Psychotherapy: What is hidden from us and how it changes relationships. Personal experience and revealing the unknown path to an authentic life.
What will psychotherapy lead to? There’s an interesting thing that psychologists don’t talk about. Maybe they forget. Or maybe they don’t consider it necessary to mention. But I want to share it with you. It’s a story about relationships that will most likely end if you decide to engage in psychotherapy. And it doesn’t matter whether you’re a client, a psychotherapist, a student, or just an interested person. Scary?
But let me share a bit of my own story. Many years ago, inspired, I attended my first lecture at the Ukrainian Psychotherapeutic University. The lecturer, a man with a penetrating gaze, surveyed us, the students, in a huge lecture hall and asked those who were in relationships to raise their hands.
I looked around and noticed that almost everyone raised their hands. Then the lecturer said, ‘By the end of the training, 90 percent of the students sitting in this room will no longer be in these relationships!’
I was a bit surprised and scared by those words. But in a moment, I didn’t give them much importance, although I stored the figure somewhere in the back of my mind.
And now… Hundreds of hours of learning, thousands of hours of client practice, and a couple of hundred hours of personal therapy later…
I can confidently say that this story told by the lecturer is still relevant. It applies not only to students but also to clients. If you ‘get involved’ with psychotherapy, most likely your current relationships with others will end. Yes, initially, it will be important for you to find your therapist. And the more you are in therapy, the less you will want to continue living in the manipulations, transferences, and projections that used to define all your relationships. The sooner you come to understand your true desires, the joy of feeling, and the disappointment of realizing how long everything was different.
The more honest you are with yourself, the more difficult it is to endure for the people around you who are used to seeing you differently. When you become aware of your needs and want to mark your boundaries, when there is respect for the boundaries of others and the ability to protect what will become valuable to you, it may not be liked by those who are close to you.
So, with a high probability, those relationships with people that you had will end. And instead of relationships that end, others will begin. Alive. Real.
In these relationships, there is life filled with emotions. Life in which people around you can simply be, communicate, and build relationships without manipulation and emotional blackmail. Life in which you can be free in dreams, can wish and receive without fear, shame, or guilt.
Love that you can breathe freely in. Not to deserve, not to tear into pieces, fearing that there will be nothing left, but simply to enjoy, accept, give, and multiply.
Some clients become happier just by realizing that communication with their parents can bring satisfaction and be a resource in life. Others note that there is motherhood without the usual feelings of guilt and fatigue.
Sometimes people remember a long-forgotten talent or a job that brings joy. And then this talent turns into a personal affair. And later – into a business that brings pleasure. And it seems that there is no other way, that it should be like this.
I don’t know how it will be for you. And how quickly you will feel that something is changing: after the first meeting, a week, or a year. But I’m sure that after going through your path in psychotherapy, you won’t be the same.
So, before taking the first step to meet psychotherapy, think carefully about whether it’s worth it.
Author: Gabryk Victoria