The war has led to the mobilization of a large number of military personnel. The need to fulfill their military and civilian duties inevitably separates active duty military, reservists, National Guard, and territorial defense personnel from their families for long, often indefinite periods of time.
A family that was accustomed to the active presence of a father before the war faces a number of problems and stress: family members may feel isolated, deprived of support, and anxious. War can also lead to financial stress for families.
The real-time coverage of events at the front by the media increases the anxiety of families whose members are mobilized.
Many families have faced the trauma of a seriously injured or dead father, husband, son, brother …. Families with limited or no contact with distant relatives and/or the military may be particularly vulnerable to stress.
While most families and children have no choice but to cope with their losses, it is important for parents to know the signs of trauma-related stress. Children’s reactions to separation stress are determined by their individual character and age development. Below are some common conditions:
Infants (birth to 12 months) may respond to disruptions in routines, stress and anxiety from the mother or other caregivers with decreased appetite, weight loss, irritability, and/or apathy.
Toddlers (1-3 years old) may become moody, tearful, have tantrums, or have trouble sleeping and eating.
Preschoolers (3-6 years old) are more aware of their parent’s absence than younger children, and their behavior may regress in areas such as toilet training, sleep, fear of separation with physical complaints, or reverting to thumb sucking. Preschool children may personalize situations and express fear with their childhood prejudices “Daddy left because I disobeyed him” or “Mommy stays away because she doesn’t like me.”
Children of primary and secondary school age (6-12 years old) already better understand the realities of changes in the family structure. They may show aggression or tearfulness, resort to seclusion or isolation. They may regress to lower levels of behavioral development and fear that their parent may be injured or die.
Adolescents (13-18 years old) may become disobedient, irritable, or more demanding of the distribution of power in the family. Parents or caregivers need to be alert to signs of risky behavior, such as problems with the law, sexual activity, and drug and alcohol abuse.
A father’s mobilization increases the burden on all family members. Recommendations for alleviating the stress of a child whose father or mother is going to war:
- Talk to the whole family before you deploy, share information, feelings, concerns, and plans for the future. Let your child know that his or her father or mother is making a valuable contribution to the defense of their country and the world;
- Emphasize that the family should be united during the father’s or mother’s mobilization, so that everyone shares family responsibilities.
- Continue, do not interrupt family traditions, family authenticity and family way of life. This softens and stabilizes children’s condition.
- Use available means of communication (e.g., messaging, phone calls, video calls and recordings, emails, etc.) so that children can communicate regularly with their parent;
- Share information with children according to their developmental level and abilities. No news usually causes more stress and difficulties than bad news;
- Monitor what television reports children watch about military events and the political life of war;
- Encourage open and honest expression of concerns, feelings and questions;
- Consider having children participate in projects related to their parents’ military activities (e.g., a class letter-writing project, journal or scrapbook);
- Do not make promises that you cannot keep;
- Initiate and maintain a close relationship and communication with your child’s teachers and classroom teacher;
- Utilize extensive family communication, other spiritual resources, and nature therapy available both domestically and abroad;
- When you become a single parent, make sure you take care of yourself as well to be available for your children;
- Believe that the joyful event will happen. But when a family member returns home after a long stay, remember that they need a period of adaptation. And then, roles, responsibilities, and daily routines need to be restored.
Having a parent at war is a difficult time for the whole family, and all members will need additional support. This is especially true if a serious injury occurs. If a father, mother, or child develops emotional, behavioral, or serious adjustment difficulties, they should be referred to a qualified mental health professional.
For families of military personnel and veterans, Molfa Hub organizes consultations with psychologists, psychiatrists, group meetings, support groups, and offsite retreats. To do this, you just need to send us a message and we will organize psychological assistance.